it's a dainty fusion of sweetness, angry rant, sincere thoughts, emotions swing, inspiring things, and all things nice to me.
pictures are not mine unless stated otherwise.
After awhile you learn the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and…
“You fall in love with the sober hologram you’ve superimposed on him.”
Do birds go back to the nests in which they’re born? Not after building their own nests, I imagine. But they survive on a different code than we do, and we had to build planes to help us fly. They are built for it. Before planes, it was a much more difficult task to move away. Eventually, it also becomes a difficult task to want to go back home, because what waits for you there? An escape from the life you now live? This — here — is the present. Who knows where the future might be? Who knows what an individual person’s priorities are, and who’s to say whether they’re right or wrong? It is not a sign of defeat to want to revisit home, to be a child again, to be cared for by parents and friends if you’re so lucky to still have them. Nor is it a mark of insensitivity or ungratefulness if you can’t, or don’t want to go home.
Maybe you’ve rebuilt a nest already, and you’re already home.
“Let go, let yourself go and enjoy the dance. I think you are a good dancer actually. You know your techniques well and you are always trying to get it right all the time.”
“I can’t do isolation though..”
“Actually your isolation are good and it can be nice for drum solo, you know the transition, and you have flow through moves, you do get it.”
“Aw..Thank you..”
“But you focus so much on getting your moves right and you forgot that you should enjoy the choreo. But when I looked at the video in the Christmas party, you just let go and smile to the audience on stage, which makes a really good dancer. So all I need you to do now is let go, breathe, you know you have everything, just let the tension go, enjoy yourself, you have beautiful smile so smile, and dance”
Her words meant so much to me. After months of “unfortunately we have weak eyesight now and we can’t tell if you are a diamond in the rough so we have instead decided on another shining gem” emails that take on their various form to tell me that I’m not good enough, not to mention other events in life that has devastate my inner self- Kay, my teacher reminded me to dig for what I’ve got and embrace them.
Her words meant so much to me. I never used to be able to dance, never dream of one telling me I can be a good dancer. But when she told me, I can see your strong foundation in this and you pick up bits very quickly, I knew my perseverance has paid for itself when I thought of how I cried out of frustration after class two years ago. I still cringed whenever I watch my first year’s performance videos. It’s priceless to know that I’m moving forward.
It’s scary to think how your perception about yourself can be biased by what your experiences have shown you. Well, I certainly agree that experiences made us who we are, but I got to remember that everything’s a process. Failure leads to success. Low leads to high. And hardships are meant to give you a smile when they are over. Shouldn’t allow them to weaken your self-image, to yourself. Mirrors and reflections from the outside world, they were meant to confuse you. Nothing matter more than your self inner faith.
Watch me, I’m a diamond in the rough! <3
February was harsh on me. I fell, I stand up, I failed, I teared, I laughed, I learned, I shivered. Floating in this ocean of emotions, it was is difficult to grip that belief of everything happens for a reason. All these occasions for one sole reason? When will they unfold themselves to me? I’m not complaining, though I do seek for a piece of serenity in my mind. Choice and risk, uncertainties and how it will become, what I don’t want to be and where I want to see myself. I baffled the negatives to stick with the bright side of things. There is a tiny ray of faith that I hold on to. I do believe if I have a will like steel, I am able to penetrate this barrier. This faith, is the only thing that have been keeping me moving forward, with an open heart, and a heavy sack of teachings I’ve observed along my way.
This should serve as a message to tell me that no coming months will ever be harder than this February. And I have survived. :)
Surprise me. Keep a secret note for me in the birdhouse. I’ll surprise you- by climbing up the tree.
(Source: andthatlittleblackdress)
原来我最需要的成长，是学着认输。从小学三年级一直到毕业为止，家长见面会上级任老师对我的批评除了好胜心过强，还是好胜心强。那时候的我不了解，但随着时间的增长，一次又一次地掏心掏肺的莫名失落让我顿悟：我。输。不。起。学业，感情，事业- 不跟着自己心目中的导航，就是失败。然后非要用尽心思力气要把事情更正回来不可。
今天，我输了。输得我没能把责任推到任何一方头上，输得我无言以对，也输得我不得不认，再细腻的编排也会有掌握不了的差错。命运，不是瞎说吧。我的自信，全军覆没。不在自己掌控以内的事情，真是让人咬牙切齿。
事业，我会再接再励。回忆，却燃烧不了。失去的尊严，找不回来。心里涌上的不甘心和生气，真希望一拳击到他脸上，给全都击走。滔滔不绝的片段，好想把它们都冲走。
两件事情，我自认处理有方。与其往我地把不满，羡慕，和猜测都抬上嘴边，第一次，第一次我把话都吞下，微笑地说，’恭喜你，真为你开心‘。忽然觉得自己变了。
接受自己输了，并不懦弱，而是要自己勇敢地面对不如意-学着不执着不倔强，学着承认不是所有事情可以如常所愿，学着看开。接受自己输了，也不是放弃， 只是舍弃不属于我的，学着放手好为自己空出空间，学着看待教训好为下一次做鉴定准备。
2012年，我要学会认输。
St. Elmo’s Fire (via life-love-laughter)
(via separationanxiety)
(Source: wordsandlyrics)
